Shonda Rhimes has been outspoken about her love for Sandra Oh‘s Grey’s Anatomy character, Dr. Cristina Yang, and she recently revealed why she wasn’t able to be on set for the actor’s last day of the medical drama.

Rhimes, 55, has built a media empire as the founder and CEO of Shondaland, where she has helmed hit shows such as Scandal, Inventing Anna, Bridgerton and more. While many people credit her for bringing the beloved shows and characters to life, Rhimes recently admitted she’s found it hard to balance all of her professional responsibilities with motherhood.

In a recent interview with Robin Roberts at the 92NY in New York City, Rhimes agreed with the interviewer that “when you’re succeeding at work, then you’re failing at home,” and vice versa.

“The reality of this is you can have it all, but you can’t have it all at once,” she said before sharing an example from over one decade ago. “I missed Sandra Oh’s last night performing ever on Grey’s Anatomy, filming her last scenes.”

Oh, 54, starred as Dr. Cristina Yang for the first 10 seasons of the show, leaving in 2014. While many of the stars have returned to reprise their roles in more recent seasons, Oh has notably stayed away from the series.

However, Rhimes said that she and Oh forged a strong bond and created a “creative sisterhood” during their decade of working together.

Despite Oh’s final scene being a pivotal moment on the show, Rhimes explained she knew she had to be at her daughter’s science fair that same day and time. While reflecting on the experience, Rhimes said it was one of the moments “you tear yourself apart” over wondering if you made the right decision.

“You’ll think, ‘Oh my God, I’m doing the worst job at work,’ or, ‘I’m not seeing what my kid’s doing so I’m doing the worst job at home,’” she said, noting that it is an experience that many working parents have dealt with.

Rhimes went on to add that the pressure often stems from the belief that people can’t simultaneously be successful in both their personal and professional lives. After Rhimes missed Oh’s last day of filming, she said that she’s learned how to confront those emotions by openly speaking about the struggles.

“When I decided to say, ‘If I’m succeeding at one, I’m failing at the other,’ somehow, that put a balance to it,” she said. “Like it is okay to drop the ball every once in a while ’cause you have to pick up the ball a lot harder here. It made me feel better about it as opposed to trying to pretend it wasn’t what it felt like.”

Rhimes continued, “It made me feel more comfortable with it in some way. And it gave me a chance to give myself the forgiveness to let it happen.”